Young Islamic men and women or boys and girls do not enter into one-on-one intimate relationships, spending time alone together and "getting to know one another" in a very deep way as a precursor to selecting a marital partner. Rather, in Islamic culture, pre-marital relationships of any kind between members of the opposite sex are forbidden.
Islam believes the choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones.
It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life—with prayer, careful investigation, and family involvement. First of all, Muslim youth develop very close friendships with their same-sex peers. This "sisterhood" or "brotherhood" that develops when Muslims are young continues throughout their lives and serves as a network, a way to become familiar with other families.
When a young person decides to get married, the following steps often take place:. This type of focused courtship helps ensure the strength of the marriage by drawing upon family elders' wisdom and guidance in this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. That is why these marriages often prove very successful in the long-term.
Share Flipboard Email. Islam Expert. Huda is an educator, school administrator, and author who has more than two decades of experience researching and writing about Islam online.
Updated September 30, The young person makes du'a —a personal supplication—for Allah to help him or her find the right person. The family enquires, discusses, and suggests candidates from among the network of people that they know. They consult with each other to narrow down potential prospects. Usually, the father or mother approaches the other family to suggest a meeting.
If the young couple and their families agree, the couple meets in a chaperoned group environment. At all times, Muslims should follow the commands of the Qur'an to "lower their gaze and guard their modesty… " Islam recognizes that we are human and are given to human weaknesses, so this rule provides safeguards for our own sake.
If the couple seems compatible, the families may investigate further—talking with friends, family, Islamic leaders, co-workers, etc. Before making a final decision, the couple prays salat-l-istikhara a prayer for guidance to seek Allah's help and guidance. The couple agrees to pursue marriage or decides to part ways.
Unlike some cultural practices in which marriages are strictly arranged, Islam has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women—they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don't want.I was recently approached by a Muslim chaplain looking for resources for Muslim parents, parents trying to find positive ways for their families to move forward when their adult children choose life partners outside of their faith community.
They fear intermarriage will not fit comfortably within the expectations of parents and the boundaries of their faith communities. I am a Roman Catholic immigrant to Canada from Germany living in Toronto and have been married to a Pakistani Muslim for close to 50 years. I am acutely aware of the potential difficulties that can arise in an interreligious marriage, especially when religious differences between spouses are compounded by racial and cultural differences.
Photo: Wikimedia. Interfaith marriages between Muslims and non-Muslims are occurring with increasing frequency in Canada and often come with concerning issues for couples as well as their parents. A marriage between a Muslim and a Roman Catholic can pose particular challenges, because both traditions have rules seeking to ensure the prevalence of their own religion in the relationship.
Seeking to effectively navigate religious rules prior to and throughout an interfaith marriage can cause great tension, requiring education, accommodation, and mindful decision-making on the part of the couple and their extended families.
Many Muslim parents with adult children considering marrying outside of their faith fear that their son or daughter may abandon their faith. Their grandchildren may not be raised Muslim and could grow up without any religion at all. Some also fear repercussions with respect to the social perception of their family by other members of the Muslim community. According to Islamic Law Shariahif a Muslim man wishes to marry a non-Muslim woman other than a Christian or a Jew, the woman must convert to Islam.
Even a woman who converts to Islam after marriage must not remain married to a non-Muslim husband. The rationale given for these rulings is that if men required special permission to marry a non-Muslim, women also require special permission. Others maintain that allowing a Muslim woman to marry a Christian or a Jew or, indeed, any man of another faith, may put her religious beliefs and rights at risk and potentially cause her to face oppression in the practice of her faith.
In recent years, a number of Islamic scholars have argued that this assumption no longer holds true, as men and women are treated as equals and women are perfectly capable of making their own decisions. Indeed, a number of imams, notably in Europe and North America, are conducting such marriages. According to Islamic Law, if a Muslim man marries a Jewish or Christian woman, the woman has the right to continue practicing her faith.
But the children of a Muslim man must always be raised as Muslims. No Muslim is permitted to convert to another religion. Any such act is viewed as apostasy and punishable, including by death in some Islamic jurisdictions. While the religious laws in Islam with respect to interfaith marriage seem relatively clear, it is less clear how they can realistically be implemented. If the non-Islamic partner in a relationship is willing to learn about and wholeheartedly embrace Islam, compliance with the rules may cause few problems.
If religion is not important to her or him, they may embrace Islam in name only in what may essentially be a conversion of convenience.
But if religion truly matters to both parties, abiding by the Islamic laws on interfaith marriage may either produce an inequitable, imbalanced relationship, dominated by the Muslim partner, or rule out a marriage altogether.
Photo: Etsy. A Jewish or Christian woman who marries a Muslim man may be allowed to practice her faith, but only with limitations. She will be expected not to share her faith with her children which, if she happens to be Roman Catholic, may conflict with her religious requirement to raise her children in her faith. If the children only learn about the faith of one parent, this can produce the perception in them that one parent is more important than the other.I'm 14 years old, and the girl I want to date is I want to know if it is possible to date her because I'm a Christian and she is Muslim.
I do NOT want to think about anything regarding marriage, and I also don't want to do anything that would mess with her religious beliefs and practices. If it isn't right, I will talk to her about it and ask for us to be friends only if that is possible. We are both here in the United States and we both go to public schools. As far as i know, muslim men are only allowed to marry monotheists, such as Christians and Muslims. However, muslim girls are not allowed to marry anyone but muslims.
So if her family isn't orthodox muslims but liberal muslims, then yes you can date her. A man and a woman or boy and girl cannot be alone unless they are relatives and if a non mahram non relative wants to see a woman for a reason she should at least have a male relative with her. I'm not talking about asking what the teacher said in class or where somewhere is Seeing that this girl is young and you are just interested in dating You say you don't want anything to mess with her religion and practices but in reality, you will be doing so if you date her and will mislead her also.
You probably don't understand why we Muslims are not allowed to date and it is because of our differences culture and religion ofc so, i'm sure there are many other Christian girls that will be better for you and not this Muslim girl. I'm only advising you for the best and safety for the girl. You can talk to her at school if you like, or whatever but don't lead her on or start dating her. Christians and Muslims can indeed date and marry -- but 12 and 14 is far too young to be dating at all!!!!
Wait until she is and then group date -- enjoy her friendship till then. No, you cannot. It is not "wrong" from the christian side but it is haram forbidden from the muslim side. Second point nobody else brought up is that at ages 14 and 12 you are MUCH too young to be dating in the first place. Well little brother in Christ, you can do anything, but not all things are benifical. Jesus says not to date those that aren't Christians because how can you mix truth with lies? My suggestion, be friends.
There really is no point in dating at your age anyway.First of all, Islam has around one billion of believers, and more and more people seem to convert to this religion. Despite a vast majority of terrorist claim to be Muslims, Islam itself is far from being the religion of hate and murder. Every year a lot of people who weren't born Muslim join this religion because they consider this religion to be more tolerant than Christianity or because they were non-believers per se and found Islam more suitable to their palate.
But why western people are so eager to practice the oriental religion, which is definitely more strict than Buddhism? The answer lies in strict gender roles for men and women. That's why women who find themselves uncomfortable with western ideals of career-oriented female prefer to become Muslim.
That's why western men who are looking for a wife and a mother for the children often turn to Muslim women. And if you're one of those men, this guide is for you. While in western countries where women are allowed much more than in eastern countries flirting is the best way to show your affection for both men and women.UK interfaith marriages on rise
Flirting goes hand in hand with tongue-in-cheek humour, thus often it is hard to tell, whether your flirting goes in the right direction or one of you is just joking.
That's why western dating is much harder than Muslim dating and needs much more efforts than it's eastern counterpart. Muslim women are not allowed to flirt. So, how to understand if the Muslim girl likes you or not? Actually, in Muslim society everything is way more simple.
The indication of interest are very subtle and rooted more in body language than in oral speech. No, it has nothing to do with belly dancing. You want a family oriented woman, remember?
In Muslim society, you can understand that the girl likes you if she stays in one room with you alone. If she wears traditional Muslim clothes, she would express her interest in you by letting you see her face and her hands. Strange, but still, much simpler than all that flirting stuff. If you like when men and women have different gender roles than dating a Muslim woman is the right choice. In the Muslim society men work and supply the family, while women must handle the housekeeping and the kids.
It's not your typical western woman who would say that she earns enough money for both of you, and that she loves her job and probably you should handle the housekeeping and babysitting.
Forget about this variant of life if you're planing to marry a Muslim girl. The husband does all the male things. For example, if you're dating a Muslim girl and she has a car, you should drive whenever you meet. You should drive the car even if she's the one who has the driving license. Another important thing about Muslim women as wives is their loyalty.
Muslim women are rarely infidel.He is from the Middle East and we met in the US. It also might be important to know that his father is married to multiple women. Does this mean he probably plans on following suit? If a man wants to marry a woman who is Muslim but he is not of that religion himself, he has to convert to Islam to marry her.
How Young Muslims Define 'Halal Dating' For Themselves
As far as a Muslim man taking multiple wives, yes, this is still a common practice in some Middle Eastern, Arab, and some African countries but rarely seen in westernized countries. And the very best of luck to you in your future relationship. Lots of people do what their parents do. Many people also rebel, and do the opposite of what their parents do.
If his family is pretty orthodox and it sounds like they arehe and you, if you hook up might catch flack for not fitting into the mold. Also, if he was raised in that way, he might have some ideas about how to treat women. You may need to think about how willing you are to deal with that.
He may also need to think about whether he is willing to accept a woman who may not behave in a way he has come to expect. If you are both willing to overlook things to be with each other, that bodes well. However, there will probably need to be a lot of compromise, and probably some surprises as expectations come to light.
Something to think about also: would his not-being-a-Christian bother you much? He may, he may not. Are you OK with your mate not believing in your Way? Do some reading on his country and on the Muslim culture there. Ask him about his family ties. Ask him about where he plans to live. This is not impossible, but you need to have your eyes wide open. I know of several cases in which men who behaved one way in the states had very different expectations once the woman was their wife.
Here is one reference that might give you an idea of the types of issues you are facing. They are still happily married and neither converted. That said, a lot of Muslims who date outside their religion do expect their partner to convert.
As others have pointed out, he might have a very different take on how to treat a woman than say an American man. The point is, the couples that have worked have clear communication and stuck up for what they believed right from the beginning. If he is in the United States and he is interested in dating there is a good chance he is not really interested in getting married considering his families traditional views in fact there is a pretty good chance his family is already arranging some kind of marriage for him back home.
Yes, if his dad has more than one wife he probably also believes in arranged marriages. This is not uncommon in some countries. She told me that this one guy who was one of the first exchange students to the U.
And the day he got back his parents introduced him to his new wife which he never met.
So anyways my point is, the rules of relationships people play by in other countries are totally different from what we are use to. He is in the U. But it could be the complete opposite. But there is only one way to find out! Be wary of becoming unequally yoked. And what communion hath light with darkness? He may be a believer, but the major differences can lead to some rather interesting and complicated relationships. It is certainly possible to date him if he is also interested in you.I hope you read this so maybe i can understand some things better.
I grew up around the Muslim culture and my best friend dates and so does her sister. This year i met a guy. He is muslim and very into the whole if i do something wrong i am going to repent. And he even teaches little kids how speak Arabic and how to read the Quran. And we started talking and not talking. In a sexual manner but we said i love you and that kind of thing.
He was fired and told if he kept in contact with me he would be labeled a sex offender. He is 18 and im I tried talking to him and he said the things we did were against islam. Im confused as to how they are. Because i know he is a member of msa at his college. So maybe you can help me let go and movr on. Hmm, well first off I'll say that I'm no expert on the issue but I can give my best opinion. There's a few details of your situation that I'm unclear about. I feel bad that he was fired and even gone as far as being threatened to be labeled as a sex offender.
That's a bit insane. If the environment where you guys met and interacted was a Mosque or an Islamic school then it's territory where management and such will be watching for questionable behavior.
The people who caught you two, I feel, are being pretty harsh and they could've just spoke to him and warned him but they just went nuts. Islam teaches that if a single man and single woman are alone together, they aren't really alone because Satan is among them, ready to stir feelings up and whisper and try to get you to sin.
You may not have done anything physically but getting to the point where you're saying "I Love You" to your tutor and just being attracted to him and flirting is already going too far. It's a gateway to eventually more serious offenses holding hands, kissing, touching, sex. Unless you guys are married, it's not cool. Of course you both are young so mistakes will happen. It may be weird to you since you aren't Muslim and possibly were raised thinking these kinda things aren't a problem.
It's the society we live in. Things that weren't okay back in the past are normal now. But in Islam they are a problem. And sure you have friends who date who are Muslim, but they aren't following the rules of Islam properly if they are.
Nobody's perfect and everyone has weaknesses that they have to work on. This article I wrote pretty clearly states why it's not best to date and essentially for our own good.However it does mean taking on a very strong set of beliefs and a very different culture.
Muslim men are very passionate about their beliefs and their traditions and many people will see this as a highly attractive quality. It is expected for there to be a shared belief in a single God, though this will depend again on the personal discretion of the man.
Depending on how devout the man is, there are also many things to consider practically and there might be some sacrifices that you are not prepared to make.
All this should be discussed with your partner before the relationship progresses past a certain point. The first thing to do is to drop any preconceived notions you have of Muslims. At the present time Muslims are not getting the best press, and this is of course due to extremism. Recognise that the views of Muslim extremists do not reflect the views of other Muslims, and most Muslims are extremely peace loving men.
Mohamed Ali for instance was Muslim, and this is why he opted to be a conscientious objector during the war and subsequently was stripped of his title. Approach your dating with Muslim men as you would with any other man — judge him on his own merits and keep an open mind. Most Muslims take dating highly seriously and are looking for straight forward women of substance.
Thus you need to expect a serious and lasting relationship and in general to be ready to commit. You will also need to be respectful of the Muslim faith around his family. Again this will depend very much on the Muslim man in question and how strictly he adheres to his faith and what his own personal views are.
However as a rule, a Muslim man is forbidden to date other than to find a spouse, so expect relationships to be taken very seriously. Another aspect to consider is that if you are to marry a Muslim, he will likely very strongly push for children to be raised in the Muslim faith. While many people are comfortable with their partner having different views, it can sometimes become an issue when it comes to choosing a religion for your children.
This is something to consider and discuss.
Can Muslims date Christians?
Faithfulness is taken very seriously by Muslim men and they will be very strict on women who they perceive as having cheated on them. However it is actually acceptable in Islam for Muslim men to have up to four wives, and obviously to date outside of the marriage in order to find these wives. To many Western women this could be seen as hypocrisy and it is something that many will not be comfortable with.